ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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