Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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