Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
