Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
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