I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
