She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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