I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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