I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
