A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
