I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
