remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
