You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
