Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
