dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
