we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
