Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
