WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
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for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
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I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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