mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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