try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
