Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
