I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
