i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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