I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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