remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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