I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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