Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
