hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
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Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
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The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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