dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
