next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
