i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
