Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
