If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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