so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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