She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
