I wish my penis had an off switch
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
