Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
