Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I need water and some morals
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
