You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
