If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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