Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
