I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
