another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
