Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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