dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
