It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize