he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
