I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
