JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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