i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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