my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize