Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
