Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
