Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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