everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
