I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
