he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
