So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
