Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
