i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
