Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
