By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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