Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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