she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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