can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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