is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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