so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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