I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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