Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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