I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
