I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
