my phone needs a breathalizer
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
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I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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