I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
