grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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