After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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