I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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