after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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