you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize