there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
