I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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