dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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